Monday, November 7, 2011

Oh yeah, that's what it's like.

I'm not sure if it's my cold whipping back around on me or if the chemo finally caught up with me, but I'm not feeling so hot today.

My headaches had all but faded over the last few days, then I woke up last night with a brief but more intense one.  It faded quickly and I have no idea what caused it.  It's entirely possible I smacked my head against the wall in my sleep, as it wouldn't be the first time.  When I woke this morning I felt a lot like I used to during my treatments back in August and September.  Exhausted, weak, with a minor headache.  I sneezed a little while ago and really felt it.  If it's like this tomorrow, I'm going to call Dr. C.  I don't know what he'll say.  I mean, people get headaches.  Maybe I should take some Tylenol and see how that helps.

I've noticed another symptom lately, one that's hard to describe.  It started years ago, when I tried taking Levoxyl as part of my depression treatment.  When I googled my symptoms even vaguely, I came up with another Levoxyl user who reported what she called, "brain zaps."  That's an apt way to describe it.  It was so annoying I stopped taking Levoxyl and while the symptom faded, it never entirely vanished.  Recently, during this first round of chemotherapy, it's been intensifying.  When I turn my eyes to the right (but not to the left), I momentarily get dizzy and hear a strange pulse sound in my head, like a TV tuning to a new channel.  Not static, but a brief electronic hum.  Turning my eyes all the way to the right gives me between 3 and 7 distinct pulses.  I have no idea what's actually causing it, but if Dr. C. told me something was misfiring in my brain, I wouldn't be at all surprised.  I can't help but feel like it's a tiny seizure, too weak to fully wrest control away from the rest of my brain.  It really isn't any more than an annoyance at this point.  I don't like the sensation but it would have to be at least five times stronger even just to make me lose my balance. 

So it looks like I'm not going to waltz through this 5/28 thing after all.  At least it still hasn't hit me nearly as hard as it hit Will.  Now it's just a question of whether next time will be any easier or any harder.  It'll be another three weeks before I find that out. 

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