Monday, December 5, 2011

Two cycles down, 22 to go

Last night I took the fifth and final dose of chemo for my second round.  I skipped the Xanax all five days, instead going with nothing but Zofran, and noticed some pretty clear differences.  Primarily, my stomach hurt more, and I got closer to nausea but didn't have any close calls (or not-so-close calls).  Hopefully the fact that I skipped the Xanax means I'll have an easier time bouncing back from this round, as I won't be battling withdrawal from that.

My sleep patterns have been all out of whack.  I can nap for three hours in the middle of the day, no problem, but I find myself tossing and turning at night, waking up frequently.  I'd say the two might be related but the same thing happened whether I took a nap or not.  Even so, I felt surprisingly awake this morning.  It is no longer morning, and I will be taking a nap when I get home.  I don't care if it takes three hours and if I don't sleep tonight; I'm really freaking tired. 

My neck continues to trouble me.  The pain isn't constant but it peaked over the weekend, edging a little higher than it was as of my last post.  The sides of my thighs are very dry, and while sleeping the other night I suddenly felt like I'd been stabbed, but there was no mark, not even any tenderness.  It's reminded me of an episode I had back in 2008.

I was in a car accident that totaled my vehicle, even though I walked away and didn't even want to go to the hospital (mistake number one).  I felt fine for a few months, and to be honest I'm only guessing these two events had any connection at all, like some sort of soft tissue damage, because otherwise there aren't many other explanations for it and none of them are good.  Anyway, I was sleeping when suddenly I threw out my back, and I don't mean the usual intense but bearable pain.  I mean the worst pain I've ever felt in my life.  If I so much as tried to roll over, the pain would be so intense my entire body would clench uncontrollably, and it'd take me a few moments to relax again.  From what I've read, it sounded similar to accounts of people trying to move with a broken back.  The pain did fade, but it moved as it did, until it settled not in the small of my back but at my right thigh, and that's why I suspect the car accident may have been involved, as I was bracing myself with my legs at the moment of impact.  Eventually the pain subsided entirely so that I no longer had any trouble getting around, but I think I suffered some nerve damage.  That thigh would ache mildly every morning, and if I were to sleep on it I'd feel pins and needles, and little twinges.  That remained with me for two years. 

I think about that every time I feel an ache in my neck, or my back, or anywhere else, really.  It makes me wonder, was it the car accident?  Did I simply throw the hell out of my back?  Or was that a spinal tumor making itself known?  It is one of the few places where my brain tumor could metastasize, after all, and it's had plenty of time. 

My hands were bothering me a bit today.  For a while I felt a tingling spot on my left ring finger that came and went (it seems to have gone home for the evening and now I feel close to normal).  My hands started to shake slightly and I still don't feel like I'm at my most stable, but I've rested my arms for a while and it's mostly subsided. 

It would have been really nice to have a couple of months (or years?) worry-free.  My MRI is on Friday at 2:45PM (Eastern).  I hope it turns up clean but if it does then why the hell am I feeling these symptoms?  If it doesn't, then what can be done anyway? 

What a mess.

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